


Elisa Minnow Pea

by snekwami



Category: Ella Minnow Pea - Mark Dunn, Wii Sports (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, This is what my life has come to, am I really writing Wii Sports fanfic?, because I have no life anymore, here is a Wii Sports AU of the novel Ella Minnow Pea, wii sports resort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 14:14:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20437367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snekwami/pseuds/snekwami
Summary: Wuhu Island (the home of Wii Sports) begins progressively banning letters of the alphabet. As the miis must stop using the letters, one by one, so does the fic...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. I actually wrote this.
> 
> Thank you anon who (jokingly) suggested it, I'm sorry that I actually followed through. Thank you to my brother who listened to me going on and on about it and read some of the draft, I'm sorry for accidentally making you sort of ship that thing a bit. Thank you Nintendo for making these random miis with no canon personality aside from facial expression and sports skills, so that I could do whatever I want with them.
> 
> The original novel "Ella Minnow Pea" by Mark Dunn is fantastic, please read it. My Miraculous Ladybug AU, MLNOP, is probably better than this AU tbh, so if you've read that then don't expect this to be a masterpiece.
> 
> Warning: mildly angsty at times, there is a volcano and lava, alcohol exists, as well as the concept of death, and apparently there's ship-tease if you squint enough.

* * *

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

* * *

Dear Matt,

It’s Elisa. Since you’re out in the middle of nowhere, I don’t know if the news has reached you yet from here in town about the clock tower. Now, I know what you’re thinking – has someone finally fixed it? Is that what this is about? Nope.

This is about that sentence Guest B had plastered up just under the broken clock face when he was on the island decades ago: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”. The tile with the Z on it fell off this morning. I wouldn’t usually call this breaking news, since it’s not really a big deal, is it? Just stick the tile back on and carry on like normal.

But naturally, all activities on the island are funded by the Guest Society, and they were busy having a meeting in their office about whether or not they can afford to splash out to buy _a tube of glue_, and whether or not the tile’s even worth fixing. (I literally have spare glue left over from that time a plane crashed into my tennis stash and broke my rackets. Do they want to borrow some?)

Anyway, they came to the conclusion that no, they’re short of funds and don’t have the money for it, so the tile won’t be fixed, and that sentence will just have to do without the letter Z. It has all the other letters in it, after all – I think it’s called a “pangram”, right? I don’t know, you’re the nerdy one, not me. But yeah, I could have solved this problem in two seconds by handing my old tube of glue to some daredevil (there’s no shortage of them here) along with the tile, and sending them parkouring up the clock tower and sticking it back on.

In a way I guess it’s like the fact that the clock itself hasn’t been fixed, despite having not worked for years? It’s part of Wuhu Island’s charm now. But a broken clock is one thing when everyone has wristwatches anyway, and the Guest Society deciding that the letter Z is going to be _literally banned_ because it fell off the tower is totally another thing.

Oh yeah, did I mention? That’s the big news, the reason why everyone is so weirded out. Because the letter Z is going to be banned on the island in a week.

Can… can they do that? I don’t exactly know the details of their authority, I’ll admit I only skimmed the contract before coming here in the first place. I know Wuhu is some kind of autonomous island nation (along with Wedge and all those other tiny little ones just scattered around in the nearby sea) that didn’t have any kind of indigenous population until settlements of newcomers about a century ago, so it… kind of functions as its own country? But one that’s run by the Guest Society, since they’re the ones who funded it in the first place and continue to fund all the island’s activities.

It doesn’t mean they can make laws, does it? Me and Sarah have been musing over it for the past several hours at least. If only there was any kind of signal here, we could look it up on the internet! But the only way would be to get a cruiser out of here, and I remember enough of the contract to know that if you leave, you’re not allowed back. (Come to think of it, that’s a pretty weird rule too.)

Maybe the Guest Society is just trying to exercise as much power as they can. You know, in a kind of “well why not see how much we can get people to obey us, just for funsies?” In any case, here are the consequences – you get three chances. If you use the letter Z either in speech or writing, the first time you’ll just get told off. The second time, you’re put on the lava pillars in the volcano for an afternoon to think about what you’ve done. The third time, you have to leave the island.

Is it me or does that seem a bit… uh… evil?

In other news, not all of us enjoy being knocked off a high ledge into a pit of freezing cold water at extreme force, so I think I’ll pass on the swordplay duelling, thanks. Can’t you get back into boxing again? I miss fighting you. True friends don’t hit each other with sticks, they hit each other directly with their fists.

-Elisa

* * *

Dear Elisa,

The number of annoying misconceptions in your most recent letter is really making me roll my eyes. I’m not “out in the middle of nowhere”, I’m literally about 10 minutes down the road from town, and a hotel as large as this one counts as a settlement on its own, in my opinion. So yes, news has indeed reached us about this rule – it would be a bit stupid for the Guest Society to put in place a rule this impactful without letting everyone know of it beforehand. Newspapers do exist, if you bother to ever read them.

The Guest Society can, in fact, do basically whatever they want. Up until now their own system of honour has stopped them abusing their power. (Or so they say. You mentioned Wuhu not having had previous inhabitants before the more recent settlements – but then who put the pillars in the lava in the first place? And why do so many places here have more than one name?) Maybe at this point they’ve realized they can enact whatever kind of weird censorship laws they want.

I mean, it’s been a while since I’ve been there, but I assume the town library still exists? How many of those books do you think have the letter Z in them? A lot, right? Most, if not all of them. So what will happen to those? Best case scenario, the community watch service will go through and scribble out any uses of the illegal letter, leaving the rest of the books intact. Or maybe transferring them onto the Queen Peach to sail off and find somewhere else to house them. But that’s a lot of time and effort, so the most likely scenario is that they’ll all just be dumped in the sea. Not exactly good for the island’s eco-friendly image, is it? But at least it avoids the clearly dystopian feel that _burning_ the books would give off.

(If it wasn’t clear, I agree with you completely – this does feel evil. If anyone wants to go ahead and scale the tower to stick the tile back on I’d definitely be happy with that!)

Oh, and hitting each other with sticks is _actually_ the true mark of friendship. Plus, I have to keep at the top of my swordplay game or else Anna will steal my spot as champ, and I’m not having that. I quite like having this nice reputation of being a multi-sport champion, you know, I’m not letting her have it. Boxing is… eh, it’s old news now. That being said, you can feel free to come over and hang out without tying it into sports. It feels like it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, and with no mobile phone coverage on the island, sending letters is such a slow way to talk to someone.

-Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

It’s about 5 minutes until the Z ban comes into effect, and we’re not really supposed to have possession of any material containing the letter, so once you’ve read this then destroy it IMMEDIATELY okay? Well, unless you fancy getting kicked off the island, that is, but as your friend I’d rather you didn’t.

If only phones worked here! I could just message you whatever I want, whenever I want, and then delete it later so I don’t get in trouble! But then again, what if the Guest Society taps the phones? Or am I just being paranoid? They’re not tyrants or dictators or anything. (Well, I say that, but they are apparently relocating their office to the castle, which I thought no one was allowed to live in, so…)

Since Miyu’s not 18 quite yet she’s exempt from the ban until her 18th birthday. How lucky is that? She said she’d still start practising anyway, so that she doesn’t slip up later when it starts mattering for her. Oh, and Vincenzo and Fritz will have to change their names or something. Vincenzo said everyone can just call him “Vin” if they want, and Fritz will spell his name like Frits.

I’m thinking… we’re on this island to play sports. Not to talk, or to write, or anything like that. So is this ban really such a big deal? We’d probably get used to it. It’ll be like when you do those challenge runs on video games – try to beat X game without jumping! You navigate the challenges, you figure out how to get around it. And then once the challenge is over, for a while you’re still in shock when you see someone else jumping, and feel reluctant to do it yourself, but you get used to what’s normal again.

So if we ever decide to leave the island forever, or the rule gets overturned, we’ll go back to normal again. And in the meantime, things won’t be _too_ different, will they?

…Yeah, it’s been 5 minutes, the letter is banned now. Don’t let the community watch service catch you with this letter, alright? I’m giving it to Cole to go deliver to you. Read it, and then dunk it in the volcano or whatever to get rid of it. (I’m sure that doesn’t count as environmental pollution.)

-Elisa

* * *

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y *

The quick brown fox jumps over the la*y dog

* * *

Dear Elisa,

I’ve destroyed the letter. You said you’d consider looking for a daredevil to climb the tower – do you think _you’re_ the daredevil? Most people are trying to _avoid_ using the new letter and getting into trouble, you know, not sending their friends mail with the Forbidden Letter in it when the deadline has already passed. But anyway, the community watch service is not on my tail, so I suppose it wasn’t a big deal. Please be more careful next time, though. Like you said about me – I’d hate to see you kicked off the island.

All of us here at the Cocoba already have our suspicions about who’ll be first to leave. You see, Yoshi has already said the banned letter twice! (By Yoshi, I’m talking about our elderly Yoshi, not that green dinosaur thing that you keep insisting commits tax fraud for some reason.) As good at sports as she still may be, her memory issues definitely don’t serve her well in this particular instance. Poor thing will have to be airlifted up onto the lava pillars for an afternoon, which won’t be pleasant for an old lady like her.

On another note: what time of day do you usually play tennis? I keep missing you whenever I go down to the courts. And considering you’re hogging all the tennis balls, I can’t exactly get in any practice when you’re not around. Those adorable little puppies we play frisbee with? They stole all the spare balls and lost them at the beach.

-Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

Oof, poor Yoshi. I was cycling through the island loop and I thought I spotted someone up on one of the pillars; not sure that it was her though. A lot of people have been accidentally committing Bad Letter Crimes so it could have been any one of them. Only a matter of time until someone gets kicked out for good…

And I play tennis in the evening, of course, when it’s nice and cool. But that’s usually when you’re off hitting people with swords, so it’s no wonder we never bump into each other. I’d play in the morning too, but that conflicts with Sarah’s schedule and there’s no way I’m playing tennis without her. You understand, right? The reason I picked her as my roommate is _because_ we’re such an excellent tennis team. Honestly she’s just as much a champion as I am – so what if my skill level’s higher? Sarah’s accompanied me in my every match! She’s just as good!

Anyway, if you ever do realize that rackets are cooler than fake flimsy plastic swords, then feel free to join me at the tennis courts one evening. I’ll happily lend you some of the tennis balls that the dogs haven’t got to yet. In fact, if you want more excuses to hang out, why not just move to town? I know you’re one of those quiet types, but it’s not as if it’s a bustling city here or anything. Don’t you get bored out at Cocoba? Join us here! At least visit more often. It’s been a while since we’ve done a tandem island flyover. Or any sports at all, really. You’re not worried about me beating you, are you…?

-Elisa

* * *

Dear Elisa,

No? Well I know you can easily beat me at tennis, but as the reigning champ of boxing _and_ three separate modes of swordplay, I can assure you I’m not worried about losing at anything else. And I like it here in my little quiet place, thank you very much. I go past town almost every day for sword battles so I know what it’s like there.

Now for actual news: Yoshi has had to leave. Yes, she’s already committed her third offence (letter crimes, not tax fraud), and has been banished from Wuhu Island. She was given a measly box to pack all her possessions in and then sent off on the Queen Peach.

We’re all a bit in shock here, to be honest. It was like having a grandmother around, and now what? Nelly doesn’t exactly fit the bill, and I don’t want a replacement for Yoshi anyway. The only real “crime” she committed was having a bad memory. Don’t we all slip up, though? Don’t we all forget things sometimes? Heck, I’ve forgotten how it feels to have hair on my head.

Please take care, alright? I don’t want anyone else to leave.

-Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

Hey, did you feel that earthquake earlier? You must have, surely. It wasn’t huge but oh boy, it was noticeable. I ran out to see for myself that the tremors caused the Q tile to fall off the tower, landing on the ground and breaking into chunks.

According to the radio the earthquake didn’t cause damage, and the volcano won’t explode, nor will there be a tsunami, so we seem to be all safe on the physical side, thank goodness. I guess news is the only thing the radio is good for these days, since they barely play any good music after having to get rid of all the songs with the banned letter in it.

The Q tile though… the Guest Society is telling us we’ll have to stop using that letter soon too. At this point I gotta admit I’m miffed. Isn’t this a restriction of our freedom of speech? Just because the Guests fund this place, it doesn’t mean they can do whatever they want with no regard to anyone else! We already humoured them with not using the first letter, but this one is going too far!

I’d leave, but Wuhu is honestly my home… I chose to come here. I chose to dedicate my life to sports, to bettering myself, to creating this community and living this life. If I leave, I can’t come back. And I don’t have anywhere to go anyway. It’s here or nothing.

I’ll miss Yoshi…

-Elisa

* * *

Dear Elisa,

Yes, we felt the earthquake here too. It was felt all over the island, in fact. Tommy said he was in the middle of an archery session and the sudden shaking caused him to miss his target entirely, almost hitting Tyrone! I seriously hope no one was on the lava pillars at the time, or… well, that would be a nasty way to die. Drowning in lava doesn’t sound like fun.

I’d also advise you, even more than before, to be careful. It turns out the community watch service has been training the dogs – yes, the stray dogs that we play frisbee with! – to inform them whenever they hear someone saying a forbidden letter. Sakura mentioned it to me in secret and I probably shouldn’t be telling anyone, but whatever. The point is, think about who might be listening before you speak.

And don’t speak at all around Greg if you think there’s even a remote chance of you slipping up. I think Sarah interacts with him more, right? Tell her to watch herself around him. He snitched on Ryan earlier for accidentally saying the banned letter. Like come on! What’s Ryan ever done wrong in his life? He’s not even good at sports, just let the poor guy be!

-Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

Sarah here – thanks for your warning, I’ll take care. I’m sorry to hear about Ryan too. He’s such a nice mii! Hopefully he won’t slip up too much more, I’d hate to see him go. A few people have left voluntarily now, I’ve seen them at the docks with their box of possessions. Mia, Kentaro… Can’t say I spoke to them much, but it still hurts to know they’re gone. Will I ever see them again? I don’t know.

Also, I’m a little worried about Anna. You’re a fellow champion, could you keep an eye on her? Or ask Sakura? (aka the only member of the community watch service I trust.) I know Anna was always a loner, even more than you, but she’s more solitary than usual now, and I’m pretty sure she’s been breaking into the Queen Peach’s bar reserves when it’s docked. If it’s energy she needs then there’s plenty of places on the island to get sugary drinks, so I don’t think that’s what she’s after…

I’d ask her myself, but I don’t think I can get an answer out of her. Not to sound like one of those island newbies, but her skill levels are too, uh, powerful.

-Sarah

* * *

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P * R S T U V W X Y *

The *uick brown fox jumps over the la*y dog

* * *

Greg,

It’s Matt. Not to use my godlike champion powers for evil or anything, but can you not pick on Ryan please? The poor guy never did anything to you. We all mess up sometimes, leave him alone. Don’t be the one responsible for getting him kicked off the island.

-Matt

* * *

Hey Matt,

He broke the rules so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

-Greg

* * *

Dear Sarah,

Hello old friend! It’s me, Ryan. Is it okay if I vent? I want to vent. I’m gonna vent. Greg is selfish, annoying, and utterly shameless. He’s like the annoying teacher’s pet from back at school, and he probably has the maturity of one too. His nasally voice! It’s so stupid. “Ohohoho Guest N! Guest N! Ryan broke the rules! Ryan said a BAD LETTER!”

Well Ryan is going to say many bad words if you carry on like that, you little…

Heh. What can I even say or do that’ll get him to respect me? My skills are abysmal and everyone knows it. Even having Matt stick up for me doesn’t work against a snitch who thinks he’s above everyone. I just hope Greg slips up himself at some point and that I get to be the one who gets revenge, the one who oh-so-regretfully must be a tattle-tale, and see him told off.

People ask me so often: why am I even on this island? It’s like they can’t understand that you don’t have to be good at sports to enjoy sports. I like being here! It’s as simple as that. I don’t want to leave because of a couple of stupid letters, and I especially don’t want to leave because of stupid Greg.

-Ryan

* * *

To Matt,

Hello :) My name is Lucía. No, I don’t live on Wuhu Island, you don’t know me. But you know Yoshi, right? I’m writing to you about her.

You see, she was an old schoolteacher of mine, and sort of kept in touch. As little as she remembers these days, she remembers _me_ – I suppose it would be hard to forget someone who made such an impression – and recently came and told me all about how your island is banning letters, forcing people to dangle over lava, throwing anyone out who won’t conform.

She’s been chucked out, right? How awful.

I must admit, I’m curious. This is all _very_ interesting from an outsider point of view, you know. My blog is running dry here – as much as I try to search for things to write about that people will actually like, it’s not that easy. But if I came to your island, saw the place for myself, then wrote up a post about what’s going on? Well, I’d be famous! And you’d get press too. It’s a win-win! (Not many of those kinds of situations in sports, are there?)

Yoshi didn’t want me to go, saying it’s “dangerous” and all that, as if I’m afraid of a bit of lava and censorship. So I challenged her to a match. A match of what, you might ask? Well, many years ago, she taught me how to play table tennis. Since then I’ve strengthened my skills immensely. So yes, we had a table tennis match. I, of course, was the clear winner – by no small margin, in fact – and so she reluctantly agreed to let me go. Not that she would have had a choice, really, I would choose to come here no matter what she thinks.

Anyway, I hear you’re the biggest champ on the island. May I stay with you? Pretty please? I have standards, you see, I’m not settling for any old accommodation with any random noob.

Oh, and as for the “Guest Society”, I wouldn’t worry. I’ve already asked them if I may join the island members in order to promote a new table tennis championship (which I know for a fact I’d win, obviously) and they seem perfectly happy with it, none the wiser to my true intentions.

What do you say? :)

-Lucía

* * *

To Lucía,

I’m fine with that. A few things to warn you about, though:

We don’t have any kind of internet or mobile connection on the island, as modern as it otherwise is. You won’t be able to blog from here. You’ll have to collect up all the information you need for your blog post, then smuggle it out again, understanding that you will not be allowed re-entry to the island. If that’s fine with you, feel free to go for it.

You’ll also probably have to play more sports than just table tennis. There’s plenty of choice.

-Matt

* * *

Dear Elisa,

We’re getting a new sport: table tennis! Someone called Lucía, who’s an expert at it apparently, is moving to the island to kickstart it. She’ll be staying here at the Cocoba so I suppose that’s where the table tennis matches will be held. There’s a nice spot near the pool for the table to go.

Don’t tell anyone (well alright, tell Sarah if you must), but the real reason Lucía’s here is because Yoshi told her about what’s going on here, and now she wants to write a blog post about it so that she… gets famous or something, I guess? Her reasons for doing it seem to be self-centred, but it does benefit us. The Guest Society might lose much of their funding if people elsewhere found out they were abusing their law-making powers, right? I hope so, anyway. Then maybe they’d overturn these banned letter rules, and we can go back to normal.

By any chance, are you good at table tennis? The tennis champion failing at table tennis is a thought that’s actually kind of hilarious to me, sorry,

-Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

Oh man, I’m atrocious at table tennis. So feel free to laugh your heart out. But real tennis is for cool people, so there. You and Lucía can have fun playing your kiddie game while me and Sarah play an _actual_ sport >:)

(I hope you know I’m kidding. Table tennis is cool, just not my thing.)

Did you hear about the J tile? It’s fallen off now too, and I heard that Tatsuaki really did try to scale the tower to stick it back on before anyone noticed, but he got caught by a community watch member. Now he’s been banished outright! Yeah, banished for just… breaking the rules, even though there’s no rule against doing what he did??? I’m livid.

He’s already been forced to leave, and his possessions will follow suit on tomorrow’s Princess Peach voyage. (I know the ship’s not called the Princess Peach, but I can’t say its real name anymore, can I?) I feel bad for the crew of that poor ship, really. It’s just a cruiser, why is it making so many unnecessary back and forth journeys like that? It never used to do it that often. It was just for tourists who wanted a day trip to the island, or a few nights’ stay without dedicating their life to this place…

Anyway, J will be banned soon I guess. Not looking forward to that, but what can we do at this point? At least it’s still a letter we don’t use much.

The Guests do at least have some kind of official statement about it now. There’s that whole old thing about Wuhu Island itself being sentient, and the fact that it keeps its volcano dormant is a sign that it respects us, etc. Well the Guests say that the island itself is chucking off the letters because it doesn’t want us to use them, and that we must obey or else suffer the volcano’s wrath.

Yeah. They’re basically like “do what we say or the volcano will explode and kill you all”.

I’m not the only one who’s sceptical, right?

-Elisa

* * *

Matt,

Lucía here :) Thank you for your reply! I’m looking forward to my stay on the island.

Speaking of which, an old friend of mine did some scientific analysis on some of the smuggled tile chips, and the results say that the glue is so old now that it’s breaking, and within a few months, ALL your letters will fall…

Naturally, we don’t want that to happen, do we? Perhaps I can charm one of your “Guests” into believing me? Are any of them sane enough for that to work? Because I’d certainly love to be a hero and help save the island, you know. It would make a fantastic blog post.

See you soon!

-Lucía

* * *

Dear Elisa,

Hey, it’s Matt. I got another letter from Lucía, who’s had the glue from the tiles analysed. Science backs us up – this is nothing to do with the island itself yelling at us for arbitrary reasons. The glue is simply old and falling apart! Which I would have thought was obvious, but hey, the Guests don’t seem to think so.

Would any of them be open to hearing this interpretation? Maybe it would help them change their minds. I feel like Guest L is the nicest of the bunch, so he’s the best to go for. What do you think?

-Matt

* * *

A B C D E F G H I * K L M N O P * R S T U V W X Y *

The *uick brown fox *umps over the la*y dog

* * *

Hello Anna,

It’s Sakura here, community watch member. I’ve been contacted asking to reach out to check that you’re alright – it seems some members of the community are concerned about you. You’re not in any trouble, I promise, I only want to know what’s up.

In fact, I’m not actually sending this letter in any official capacity. This is simply me, Sakura, a fellow mii of this island, wanting to know how you’re doing. I know these rules are hard to get used to, but if you need any assistance, please feel free to let me know. I’ll be happy to help, anytime.

Also, to warn you: the crew of the Royal Peach (as it has been recently renamed, in order to comply with the new island rules) do keep track of their supplies, and you have been seen hopping on and off whenever it’s here… Listen, if you need someone to talk to, about anything at all, there’s a whole island-full of people here. Well, perhaps not totally full, we’re missing a few members same as we’re missing a few letters, but you know. We’re here for you. Please don’t turn to drink.

-Sakura

* * *

Sakura,

Nice try. For starters, I’m not drinking anything? I don’t even drink. But even if I WAS doing anything “suspicious”, I wouldn’t tell YOU, since you’re all about the ~community~ and basically a Guest-apologist. How can you live with yourself? Actively working in their dodgy little “community” watch service? Yeah, big brother is watching us, alright. You are complicit in this little island dictatorship, you are. And I’m not interested in licking the boots of those annoying rich people, thanks. Get lost.

-Anna

* * *

Dear Ryan,

Matt here. Buddy, I know you’ve stopped talking so much, but feel free to write, okay? I know you’re nervous you’ll slip up again. And I completely get where you’re coming from. This whole island’s really starting to feel a bit dystopian.

Ah, dystopian… I won’t be able to use that word for much longer, since the D tile’s fallen. You’ve heard about that, right? I don’t know, since I haven’t seen much of you.

I’m sorry if I’ve always been a bit… aloof. I don’t know, I want to be friendly, but it’s not always an easy thing, is it? That’s something where my skill levels are sorely lacking. But please know that I do consider you my friend, and don’t think that since I’m a Big Scary Champion I won’t want to hang out with someone like you. Of course I do.

-Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

Hey, thanks for your letter, I appreciate it. The truth is, I haven’t been leaving my room much… Greg’s out there, I can’t stand the sight of him and don’t want to have to acknowledge his existence. Especially since he’s been practising his table tennis and he’s much better than me – and he knows it!

-Ryan

* * *

Dear Ryan,

If it makes you feel any better, I’m bad at table tennis too. Anyway, forget about Greg – I hear that now that Tyrone got kicked off the island, Tommy and Eva have been looking for not only a new basketball teammate, but also a new bowling member. You could be that member! (Bowling, I mean, not basketball.)

And remember, hating Greg won’t help overturn the rules that made this all happen in the first place. Hold grudges all you want! But if you ask me, letting your emotions get in the way of sport won’t help you improve.

-Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

It’s-a me, Elisa. I agree, Guest L is definitely the chillest of the bunch, so get Lucía to ask him.

Hypothetically, if the I tile fell, would that affect Lucía’s name? She’s got a little accent on it, same with Víctor (although I think he’s left) … I guess it’s still the same letter in the end, though. Oh man, I hope that tile doesn’t fall soon. We still have all our vowels thankfully, and I’d like to keep a hold of them for a while yet!

Speaking of falling letters, I’m really dreading not being able to use D from tomorrow onwards. What are we meant to do? Not even all our sports escape intact this time! Like your favourite sport, swordplay – what do we call that now? “Hitting people with sticks”? (Actually, I rather like that name. I’m gonna call it that.)

Sarah and I are practising already. It’s almost impossible to speak normally without D, I can tell you. We literally keep pausing for about 30 seconds before we say something, spelling it out in our heads first and making sure it’s okay to say. The island is going to be very silent tomorrow!

-Elisa

* * *

A B C * E F G H I * K L M N O P * R S T U V W X Y *

The *uick brown fox *umps over the la*y *og

* * *

Elisa,

Lucía’s here now, she got here earlier this evening. Maybe you saw her at the harbour? Anyway, now she’s here at the Cocoba. She has a real sweet tooth so she brought an entire boxful of sugary snacks, sweets, some Fanta too (well not exactly Fanta, I can’t say what it actually was because of illegal letters, but something similar), so we got rather… uh… hyper? I can’t remember the last time I was this hyper! Too many sweets, hehe…

She really is as great at table tennis as she wrote. We spent hours playing many matches, almost the whole night. (It’s 2am now, I’m too hyper on chocolate to sleep.) I’m terrible at the sport, or at least, I’m terrible in comparison with her. I never thought it possible to be such an expert, to that extent! How can anyone ever beat her? There’s no way!

Mostly when people are so full of themselves, I think it’s annoying. But this time… maybe I’m simply feeling very happy from those sweets or something, but it’s not a big thing this time… Yes, she’s full of herself. You think I care? Not this time. She really IS that skilful, I can’t say she isn’t. She says she’s a better champ than I am, with this terrible smirk on her face, but she’s RIGHT…

My fingers are shaking. I think I’ll eat sweets more often from now on.

-Matt

* * *

No, I won’t. Sugar crash. Brain-ache. Ignore that letter I sent last night. I’m still a better champ than her. She’s not _that_ charming, okay? Now that I’m not hugely hyper she seems annoying. All prissy, pretentious, worst of all _unbelievably_ arrogant. She’s got skill at table tennis, so what? Smirk all you want, Lucía, it’s not like I care…

-Matt, with braincells this time

* * *

Hey Matt,

Heh. Sure. I think you have more braincells when you’re hyper, to be honest.

-Elisa

* * *

Hello Sarah,

It’s only me, Sakura. No, not a community watch member any longer. I’ve left the service.

To have my own team rat me out… Yes, I was caught saying an illegal letter. Not on purpose! It was a mistake. But it was no mistake that Yoko thought to tell a Guest, sinister as she always is. I can’t stay in the service after that.

Oh, Anna was right, she was so right. I’ve been enabling the Guests in their… tyranny? Is that an appropriate way to put it? We on this isle aren’t suffering as much as so many others elsewhere, but what else can I call what we’re going through? It’s censorship, it’s cruelty. It’s things I haven’t got the letters to say.

Now what? What’s left for me? I play baseball in the small allotment we were given for it, impossible as it is, nothing else. I’m a “champ” – only barely. Yes, I’m the best at baseball here. But my skill level, it’s so much lower than the champs of any other sport. Elisa’s skill level at tennis is 2000! Yours is 1900! For me at baseball, a measly 1300. Plus, I rely on my team as much as I rely on myself, if not more. They’re the real champs. To tell the truth, I’m really feeling useless right about now.

I worry about Anna, too. She won’t talk to me, I have no clue what the problem is or why she steals alcohol from the ship. So much stress!

What letter will leave us next? It’s all I can think about.

-Sakura

* * *

Hey Sakura,

I’m sorry you’re going through tough times. Thanks for your letter, though, I hope I can help.

We’re all a bit useless, aren’t we? Nothing we can think of to stop the Guests in their tyranny (yes, I believe that’s a perfectly acceptable way to put it). I can never truly say exactly what I mean – only some sort of approximation with whatever letters are left.

Yet only 4 letters are gone so far! A whole 22 remain, but they aren’t enough. I want our missing ones back.

I wish there was a way to change something for real. For now, there isn’t. What then? I guess I’ll try to make YOU feel a bit better, at least, about having one offence in your belt. I’ll get one too!

This whole thing, it’s honestly… DREADFUL!!! >:)

There we go!^ That’s an illegal letter right there. Oh, it felt awesome to write, I have to say that much.

I know the Guests scan our mail if they manage to obtain it. We all know. So if they see this, I’ll have my first offence too, so you can rest feeling a little less alone.

-Sarah

* * *

Sarah, tennis vice-champion:

In your most recent letter, there has been usage of an illegal letter in the sentence commencing “This whole thing, it’s honestly…”

As this sentence contains two uses of an illegal letter, this amounts to two offences, therefore your punishment will be an afternoon spent on the lava pillars in the centre of Maka Wuhu/Mount Tenganamanga. Please take more care in future, lest the volcano erupt as a result of your thoughtless actions.

-Guest M, of the Guest Society

* * *

Hey Sakura,

Uh, oops. Forgot about basic spelling there. Anyway, being up on the lava pillars was not very nice, as you can guess. Blisteringly hot, brain-numbingly boring, not exactly the safest place when you think about how there was that earth-shake here not too long ago, so falling in the magma was a very real possibility…

As for Anna, she hasn’t been sporting very much at all lately, but she seems perfectly sober, so she’s not lying about that part at least. Earlier she was putting her bike away when I was nearby by chance, so I gave it a test but her breath smells fine too. She isn’t an alcoholic, if that’s what you’re worrying about.

No clue what she’s up to, though. She certainly has been stealing from the Royal Peach – but I prefer to keep that info away from the Guest Society or the community watch service if I can. I still trust Anna more than I trust them.

-Sarah

* * *

Matt,

Elisa here. Poor Sarah got put on the lava pillars, how awful! I was planning archery there that time but I chose not to go for it – what if I hit her with a stray arrow? What if she fell in the lava, or lost her life??? I was so nervous about that…

Gah, it’s so tricky to write. I thought it’s easier than speaking, which I’ve almost given up on, but nope. It’s still freaking impossible. I think I am genuinely going a bit nuts, you know. Are you? How can anyone manage to keep sane now that one of the most useful letters is gone forever? I think a chunk of my personality went along with it. I simply _can’t_ be my usual self with only half my vocabulary intact. It’s a real Thanos snap, huh.

-Elisa

* * *

Elisa,

Have to confess, it’s the same here. I hear that now the most recent letter is gone, there’s seriously so many people having to go on the lava pillars. Only a matter of time until one falls in – I hope not me or you. Miguel won’t even fly his plane there anymore, he’s put a ban so no one will. Too much chance it’ll knock someone in. (Though it wasn’t safe to fly there in the first place… why fly _in_ a volcano???)

Lucía’s still being her absolutely infuriating usual smug self, of course. She says she bets she can come up with a shorter pangram than Guest B’s original one, the one that’s falling off the clock tower. She says she’ll even tell Guest L that when we talk to him (which hopefully will be soon).

I mean… she _is_ very well-spoken. I’m not praising her! I’m only pointing it out. She has a certain charm, one which might very well work on Guest L. Not on me, of course. Like I wrote before, she isn’t that charming. Really, she isn’t.

-Matt

* * *

Hey Matt,

Sure, you keep telling yourself that. Anyway, an O tile has fallen now, but only one of them – there’s still 3 left up on the tower! The Guest Society seems not to care, so uh… I guess we can still use O for now.

Also, Anna is seriously turning into a recluse. I caught her sneaking out to get lunch, but she was threatening to punch me! Yeah, _me!_ The boxing vice champ, only ever beaten by you! Re-telling her that fact right to her face may not have been the best plan…

I worry, but I haven’t a clue what next. She never talks to anyone. It’s suspicious, yet I feel somehow like she’s not wronging anyone.

I’m losing it, Matt. Losing the absolute plot. My brain is scrambling like an egg. With every letter lost, so go the braincells…

-Elisa

* * *

Miyu note to self:

Hey future me. I’m the only one here who can write or speak at leisure, but at what cost? Ugh, it’s really getting to me. I’ll be 18 soon, then I’ll be in the same ruleset as everyone else, as silent as they all always are. Only a little while longer.

Truth is, I’m not free, even now. I make myself obey their rules, as practice, out of respect. How much must it hurt, for the others, to hear me speaking openly while they can’t? How much trouble will it put them in, if I write an open letter to them, putting them in possession of something illegal?

I sit here writing letters to myself, like this, so no one else suffers punishment. Trying not to mumble illegal things to myself, because it’ll only make it that much more painful later on to let go.

Is it true about the volcano? Will it erupt if I can’t toe the line? Surely not. Part of me is starting to believe, though. The lies of the Guest Society… their brainwashing… I can feel it. Taking over the isle, bit by bit.

I can’t forget how things were before. I must make myself remember. An open society with free speech. I want it back so much!

* * *

Oh Elisa,

It’s me, Sakura, I’m at wit’s end – what am I meant to be now??? I’m on my last chance, yes I was put on the pillars last night, they left me there overnight, I have never felt that much fear in my life.

I can’t… I can’t be here. It hurts. I’ll have to stop speaking or writing at all or I’ll have to leave. I have no choice. Maybe I’ll forget how to talk. Maybe that will be a blessing.

You were the first champ I ever knew… a soul of niceness. Promising never to train at baseball, so that I can be the best. You let me be the champion of that. It’s because of you that I’m a champ, that I have everything I have now. My whole reputation, everything… it rests on you.

Please though. If you want to be better at baseball, then BE better at baseball. No use saving it now. I no longer want it. I’m not a true champ, I can’t feel like one no matter how I try. I’m not worth it. Train at baseball to your heart’s content. For yourself now, not for me. Forget me. Please. No stopping yourself for anyone else. I was never that great at baseball anyway.

-Sakura

* * *

Sakura, baseball champion:

In your most recent letter, there has been usage of an illegal letter in the sentence commencing “It’s me, Sakura, I’m at wit’s…”

Your actions may cause harm to the entire isle. As this is your final offence, your punishment is banishment from the isle. Please report to the harbour as soon as possible. The community watch service will help you leave.

-Guest P, of the Guest Society

* * *

Hey Ryan,

It’s Elisa. Hope you aren’t too lonely, now that Matt plus Lucía are in town to talk to Guest L. It’s nice to see Matt again – nice to meet Lucía too. Yeah, she seems to think her brain is larger than it is, but at least there’s no ping pong table for her here. She can’t gloat too much without it!

Awful news, though – Sakura is gone. I never got to tell her something… she always thought of herself as an impostor, you know? Like she can’t truly belong. But she _belongs_ alright, she’s proven it. She is the true baseball champ. She thinks she isn’t, she thinks I was always acting rubbish at it to make her feel better, but the truth is I wasn’t. I really am rubbish at baseball. She truly, actually, is the best.

I want to tell her… how can I now? Our letters leaving the isle, will they reach her? Or is there no point trying now? No clue where she’s even gone.

The first champ to leave. Now there’s me, Matt, Anna, Tommy, I guess Lucía is table tennis champ so her too. We’re all still here for now. But for how long?

-Elisa

* * *

Ryan,

Matt here. Kept my promise about writing to you, haven’t I? I won’t keep you lonely back there. Here in town it’s too noisy for my liking – all these cars (yes they’re electric, but you think I can’t still hear them?!), all these people. So new for me. I like it better back at the Cocoba, really, with only the noise of the sea. Elisa will have to believe me about that now.

We’re meeting Guest L tomorrow, he’ll come into town from the castle back to the Guest Society’s previous office here. Lucía will talk to him about how the tiles falling is nothing about the volcano erupting, it’s only normal science. Wish us luck?

Been playing a bit of basketball in the meantime too. The court is right here, so I may as well.

Have you got the news about the K tile? Yes, that one’s fallen now. We will have to stop using that one soon too. It’s starting to feel normal, having letters vanishing right from beneath our noses… it ought not to feel normal, though. The Guest Society is making censorship feel normal for us.

Huh… if the K tile is gone, this might be the last time I can write certain terms. “Know.” How can I get by without that? It’s not like you pronounce the K when you say it, but still, it will be illegal much like everything else.

“Like.”

Now there’s a term I thought wasn’t useful for me. I am, as you know, not that great at making pals.

But… I was a bit harsh on my earlier view of Lucía. No, I haven’t been eating more sweets. I seem to… like her now? She’s still arrogant. Still smug. But still charming. It makes me smile! How can I not like her? She’s cute…

Hey. No telling anyone. Especially not her. But then again, I think she knows anyway. She is, as she says, very smart.

As much of a champ as I am? Alright, yeah, maybe…

Oh, I give up. I like Lucía. A lot. No acting like it’s a lie anymore. It’s not a lie. I really like her.

-Matt

* * *

Hey Matt,

Aw, that’s sweet. You know what else is sweet too? You were right about Tommy, Eva, bowling – it’s fun! SO much fun! I know I can’t replace Tyrone, but whatever, they’re both so nice, so cool, so awesome, I love it!

Hah, take that Greg! Who’s having fun now, chump?

I wanna rub it in his face but I know that’s not a great plan. At least it was satisfying to watch him lose to Lucía so terribly the other afternoon. I see it in my sleep. It was so funny. He’ll never haunt me again.

Am I being immature? Sorry, maybe a bit. I’ll stop now. Like you wrote ages ago, keeping anger over him won’t help me at sports.

-Ryan

* * *

Ryan,

I’m happy you’re having fun! So are we, in a way – the meeting went fine. Lucí spoke to Guest L, he thinks the volcano will still erupt if we can’t stop using the illegal letters, BUT he believes there’s a possibility he’s wrong. He gave us a challenge – come up with a shorter pangram than Guest B’s one within a month. Not only shorter, conclusively shorter. If so, the ban will lift.

Basically, we have a month to come up with a 32-letter pangram.

Lucí thinks she can – well of _course_ she thinks she can, she thinks she’s capable of anything. But we’re all going to try. Will you try too? Everyone can help.

I feel better now that there’s really a chance. Are you feeling better too now? I hope so. I hope we all feel better. Things really can change now. As long as we can solve this challenge.

-Matt


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

A B C * E F G H I * * L M N O P * R S T U V W X Y *

The *uic* brown fox *umps over the la*y **g

* * *

Matt,

It’s your “Lucí” here, as you’ve been calling me – wasn’t my plan fantastic? I’m so happy Guest L thought the same! Now we really have a chance to overturn this ban, a challenge that I’m certain I can accomplish.

Since you’re off playing “hitting people with staffs” (as Elisa’s been calling it, having no other name for it that we can even say) I thought I’ll give you news of what I’ve been up to in the meantime. Little Miyu still has some time left until the 18th anniversary of her birth, so until then, she’s able to write or say any letter she pleases, even if she prefers not to. Poor thing is starting to believe all those “the volcano will erupt if you say the wrong thing” lies that the Guest Society is telling us all. But what I’ve been up to is something rather smart, which I’m sure you’ll agree – I’ve been getting her to write out my pangram sentences for me! I mime out which letters I mean, then she writes them. Clever, huh?

You ought to try the same. Poor Miyu will have a lot of people wanting her help with it, but as the two of us are champions, I’m sure it’s us she’ll choose to assist :)

Love,

Lucí

* * *

Hey Ryan,

It’s Tommy here. I want to say I’m really grateful for you being our bowling pal, mate. It’s been a blast.

Unfortunate news though – Eva’s left. She got her last offence so she was sent off last night. I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you. Our trio is two once more.

I’m trying to lift my own spirits, but… man, it’s not easy. Both my best pals are gone now. Tyrone, Eva… will I ever see them again? Yeah, probably, it’s only a matter of time before I face the same fate, isn’t it? I want them to be able to return, so I’m trying this pangram thing. Not great at it, though. The only one on the isle who can even write out our pangrams is Miyu but she’s busy over in town all the time, she can’t come here.

Meanwhile all these thoughts spin through my brain, I suffer them alone in silence, since I can’t say them. Can’t even write them. I’m not much of a letter-writer – I way prefer speech.

Usually I’m an optimist. I’m a champ, so people expect me to be. But how can I be now? We’re all suffering. This is the worst. All because of a sentence on a tower falling off. Ughhh…

I’m happy you’re here though, amigo. (Running out of things to say: pal, chum, homie, bro…) I’m here for you too. Bowling game later?

-Tommy

* * *

Hey Tommy,

Everything you wrote is a big worm. (I have to resort to meme speech or I won’t be able to say anything at all. Please, omnipresent beings watching over the isle, let the Y tile stay so that we may still say YEET!)

It’s so silent here at Cocoba. Must be lower on noise in town, too, but here especially, out at this hotel in the centre of nowhere… It’s as if most people have left. Either to town, or they’ve got all three offences so they left by force, or some people left by choice. I hear Miguel flew away. Yeah, in his isle plane! Simply flew off, never to return! (Hecc, I wish that were me…)

But I’ll stay. For now, anyway. I want to help with the pangram challenge as long as I’m able. If they force me to leave, so be it, but while I’m here I’m HELPING. It’s the least I can achieve. I may not be any use at sport, much to the laughter of everyone else, but I can at least help with this.

So eerie here though. Scares me. Scares you too?

See you at the bowling alley later.

-Ryan

* * *

Ryan,

Matt here. We’re progressing on the pangram challenge! (Here we’ve been calling it “E32” – short for Enterprise 32, since we have to get to 32 letters.) Nelly, the great big smartie that she is, got a 47 letter pangram. We’re all having lots of sweets to celebrate – there’s no shortage of those. How many sweets has Lucí even brought with her??? Not that I’m complaining. I’m gaining a new loving of sweets, maybe she’s at fault. I mean… she’s always on my brain, even when she’s not here. Is that normal?

-Matt

* * *

Matt, honey,

I’m absolutely in a rage. No, not at you! At those morons up at Summerstone Castle, the “Guest Society”, hah. What a boring name for the bunch of villains that they really are.

You see, they are now aware of my blog.

Yes, apparently their contact on the mainlan… ugh, I can’t even write the things I’m trying to say because of their terrible rules! Their contact away from here came across my blog (suppose it was only a matter of time, since I’m famous), then recognising my name, sent a message to the Guests here by signal. Now they’re angry at me, since they’re realising why I’m actually here on the isle, that it’s not really because of the table tennis championship. (Well, it sort of is. I _am_ the table tennis champion, I challenge any of them to beat me – they’ll never be able to! No one will!)

They want me to leave. I’ll have to, won’t I? Or else they’ll force me. I can’t express my fury in writing. How can they?! I am a _champion!!_

Well. You’ll have to stay here, you’ll have to carry on E32 without me. Unfortunately I’m not able to wait for your return from the “hitting people with staffs” arena, there’s no time for that. I’ll be gone by the time you get here. So imaginary hugs only.

I trust you, of course. You’ve been ever so brilliant. I’ll be more open, more humble here, to tell you that in all honesty, I truly love you… which is NOT something I say lightly nor often, so savour it.

Oh, also remember: I _will_ return to Wuhu Isle. I’ll get my revenge. You can count on it. Lucía, table tennis champion, can never lose that easily. This is not the last you’ll see of me, my sweet pal. I guarantee it.

Love,

Lucí

* * *

Ryan,

It’s Matt. An O tile fell. Still two left, so whatever. The F tile fell too. That’ll be illegal soon.

Are you aware Lucí has left? The Guests are aware of her blog, so she wasn’t given a choice. She left her stash of sweets here, but… they’re not helping me feel any better. Nothing is.

Come visit town soon, if you want. It’s pretty empty here. Feels even more empty now that she’s gone. We haven’t got below 47 letters yet. It’s tiring. When even speech gets more tiring than sports, that’s a real sign everything’s gone wrong.

I feel very numb.

-Matt

* * *

A B C * E * G H I * * L M N O P * R S T U V W X Y *

The *uic* br*wn *ox *umps over the la*y **g

* * *

Matt,

That’s terrible news! Sorry to say I’ve got more terrible news – that Greg! Snitching on me AGAIN! I want him to perish!

No, really, he can go leap into the ocean, I’ll be nothing but happy. I hate that guy. I spent all last night in the volcano, up on the lava pillars, because him. It’s nasty in there. I mean, I’ve been in the volcano lots, but never so long a time in one go. Never actually OVER the lava. Thought I was gonna perish, really.

Practically no one here anymore. What’s the point in staying? Maybe I really will come to town soon. I only have one more chance remaining anyway. I mis-say something again, that’s it. I’ll have to leave.

-Ryan

* * *

Hey Ryan,

Matt isn’t up to writing right now so you’re getting me, Elisa. Sorry to hear about Greg being a snitch again. We all hate snitches at this point. Yoco (she can’t spell her own name properly anymore) is renouncing her community watch membership, so at least there’ll be one less snitch. Hoping Greg will go the same way soon!

We’re still at 47, we can’t go below that number. No matter how we try. Nelly, always a genius at everything, sports, music, literature, whatever! Even she can’t. It is possible? I’m sure it must be. But even me, I’m… losing hope. Losing everything!

I’ve barely even been playing tennis. Same with Sarah. Same with everyone, with every sport. No energy to play sport, not when so much energy goes into simply trying to _say_ things. Write things. Mime things to poor Miyu, who must be tiring over the constant pressure. She’s so young, she ought to not be here in this hell. But yet she stays, as she wants to help.

Is it worth it? Staying, trying? So many people are leaving, not believing in our battle anymore. Not wanting to see the Guest Society’s wrath, or the volcano’s wrath. I’m losing all optimism or hope that remains, same as everyone else.

I still worry about Anna, what she’s up to. She still steals alcohol. The Royal Peach can’t catch her or stop her. They’re too slow against her bicycle. (She is the cycling champ, so…) The only times she says things is to insult any nearby community watch members in the vicinity, that’s it. We have no clue why!

Yours tearily,

A rather miserable Elisa

* * *

Hey Elisa,

I’m sorry. I’m miserable too now. Tommy has gone. He was my last pal here at Cocoba, now he’s gone. A puppy was his snitch – a poor innocent puppy who has no clue it’s in the wrong.

Now I have no one. No reason to stay. But no energy to come to town. No energy to leave the hotel. Certainly no energy to sport. No one here really sports anymore, huh? Wuhu Sports was a lie...

Oh Tommy. He was a real pal. A huge help when I was miserable. The nicest champ. All his own close pals went, yet he was still so helping, so nice to me. Not showing his inner misery.

I’m not as strong as that… I am miserable, Elisa, as we all are. I can’t cover it up beneath a smile.

-Ryan

* * *

Lucí,

Are you receiving these letters? I have no way to tell.

We can’t get below 47 letters. We simply can’t. We all try so much, especially Nelly. We’re all younger than her, so she has the thought that she’s responsible over us. No one truly says things now. Only writing, or miming. Even Miyu. She _can_ say what she wants, but only a little while longer. Soon she’ll be 18.

Two E tiles are gone – still got that in reserve, though, so it’s not a problem. The B is also gone. That will be illegal soon.

I miss you.

Love,

Matt

* * *

A * C * E * G H I * * L M N O P * R S T U V W X Y *

Th* *uic* *r*wn *ox *umps ov*r the la*y **g

* * *

Lucí,

Nelly got to 44! At last! We’re in much higher spirits now, I’m happy to say. No worrying over us – we’re alright now. Your sweets are helping. No one sleeps much anyway. Or sports.

Will you return to enact your “revenge” soon, whatever it is? I miss ping pong with you (can’t call it its original name anymore). I miss it in general, actually – I haven’t gone to the hotel again since leaving it. (Can’t call the hotel its name either.)

I have a plan, a strange one, yet one that might help. I’m a multi-sport champion, right? People here imagine me as some strange omnipotent, magical sorcerer – which I’m not, not even slightly. This reputation, though, this meme… can it help? Against the Guests?

Your plan, challenging them to something, was a success. So me? I am excellent at the sport hitting people with… long swooshy things that I have no way to say. I can challenge them to a game! I’m sure I’ll win. So the premise is this – say I win, then they must overturn their rules, all letters returning to normal usage. Say they win, then they can carry on as they are now.

They can’t get angry over a simple challenge to a sports match, can they? No harm, right?

I’ll go to Summerstone Castle tomorrow to try this out.

Love,

Matt

* * *

Ryan,

Sarah here, sorry to write even more crummy news – you’ve got to come to town. Matt’s… well, he’s not gone, it’s almost worse in a way. He went to challenge the Guests to a simple match, hitting people with poles, no harm in that. Yet the Guests have put in him the castle prison cell! They won’t let him out or let us see him!

Perhaps they are aware that he’s a hope spot to us all, since he’s champion over many sports. Perhaps they want to stamp out that hope. A hope that this all can change, that we can go to normal letter usage again. Stamping out the hope that even our great Matt is immune to their nonsense.

Well, that might turn out a success… we are all in utter gloom now.

Please visit. We are in real straits here, without all the help we can get.

-Sarah

* * *

Elisa, Sarah, whoever else is even here on this isolate isle–

You all want the truth. The truth over what me, Anna cycling champ, is up to.

Guess it’s time that I say. I’ll have to go – got caught only a minute ago, in a puppy’s earshot. I’m still in awe they went that much – training puppies to snitch on miis! Point is, I’ll have to get out, no matter what now, within the next ten minutes or so.

I’m… angry. So angry, over everything that’s happening here. You are too, right? You get it. We all hate the Guest Society. They’re ruining our lives. I can’t survive elsewhere. That’s why I’m _here_, on Wuhu Isle. This was meant as a home. Not a… whatever it is now.

In my anger, I’ve… I was planning… things that…

Oh, come on! I can’t write this way! I can’t say what I want to say, not without all the letters that are gone! I want to tell you what’s up, I want to trust in you now the way I ought to have trust you earlier, yet I was untrusting, even to those who were trying to help me. Now it’s too late – I must leave, so you’ll all remain none the wiser to what my plans were…

ALL BECAUSE I CAN’T FREAKING WRITE ANYTHING!!! OR SAY ANYTHING!!!

There we go! I can’t do this any longer! Out of all things, a _dog_ heard me say a Bad Letter while I was cussing off the few community watch flunkies that are still around, so I’ve got to leave, just at the moment I’d decided that I really want to stay, to actually start helping you all, because by god! I’ve got to do something! Hide this letter well, keep it away from the Guest Society at all costs, whatever you do just let me have this last rant using every single letter I please!

Here’s the truth. Yeah, I was stealing jugs of alcohol from the Queen Peach. It’s not like anyone on there even drinks it anyway. No, it wasn’t for me, I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t drink. I was… hoarding it. Because… because I wanted to poison the Guests! Alright? I admit it. I was planning something bad, something awfully bad, because I knew what kind of horrible censorship and struggles their laws would lead to, I saw this all coming from a mile away. I knew they had to be stopped.

I didn’t want to kill them, no, never. I’m no murderer. I never intended it to be lethal. I just wanted to spike their water enough that it would make them ill, and maybe they’d have to leave, but in any case they’d stop messing around and they’d let us do what we wanted. I just wanted them to leave us alone. Money keeps corrupting them, power does too, it was all I could think of.

But I couldn’t do it… I’m such a coward. Maybe I could have fixed this, had I done it earlier. But I can’t do it now. If they really do die, the blood will be on my hands. I can’t have that. I don’t want to kill anyone. Never.

Sakura tried to help me, by reaching out to me. You’ve all been trying to help me. I’m really not the friendliest person, I know that. My anger was blinding me. You’re going through the same awful things I am. I’m glad at least that you’re all working together, trying so hard on E32. I’m sorry. I should have been along there with you. But I wasn’t, because I just don’t like talking to people even when we _do_ have all letters at our disposal.

There’s no time for me to pack my box, since I’m writing this all out instead of doing that. There’s nothing here that I want to take away with me anyway. What’s left for me out there on the mainland? Nothing, pretty much. I’ll just be a failure until I die.

Hey… don’t let that alcohol stash fall into bad hands. And please, don’t poison the Guests. I know they’re terrible people but if anything happens, I’ll just blame myself. It deserves to go back to the Queen Peach, really, they don’t deserve getting their stuff nicked even if it wasn’t used for bad purposes after all. Maybe put it in my possessions box to throw off suspicion? Huh… there’s _loads_ of those jugs, at least several dozen, I don’t even know if they’ll all fit… Yeah, tell you what – pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Throw the rest in the volcano.

And please… tell everyone I’m sorry I couldn’t do better.

-Anna

* * *

Miis,

The C tile is gone. Please stop using it, starting tomorrow.

A U tile has also gone, though there is another in reserve, so you may continue using that.

-Guest O, Guest Society

* * *

A * * * E * G H I * * L M N O P * R S T U V W X Y *

Th* *ui** *r*wn *ox **mps ov*r the la*y **g

* * *

Yo Ryan,

Greg here. Yeah, yeah, you’ve got no interest in seeing me, I’m aware.

Yet… it’s so silent all the time. No one’s here at all, it seems. Alright, I’ll say it – I’m sorry. Telling on you two times in a row, that was… harsh. I won’t again, I swear.

Is that alright? You happy now?

-Greg

* * *

Oi Ryan! Where the hell are you? You’re not exiting your room? Are you even in there??? Literally no one else is here! Tell me you’re not gone? Please?

-Greg

* * *

Matt,

Ryan here. I’m in town now, no point in me staying at the hotel when no one else is there anyway. (Well, Greg’s there. Ugh. Not him.)

You’re still in Summerstone, what now? Say I protest against your imprisonment near there, will I get the same treatment as you? Put in the Summerstone prison? Yeah, I guess I will… So no protesting. Even though I want to.

I want to get you out, somehow. How though? There’s nothing.

I’m not great at saying things, or writing things. It’s so not-easy. I’m simply hanging out here, hoping they’ll let you out soon. They won’t though, will they? You’re our pal, our meme, our most over-power mii. They won’t let you out.

So I stay here, waiting, unhappy, nothing to help…

-Ryan

* * *

Hello Ryan,

Miss me? It’s Lusía! (Oh, the horror, to spell my own name that way…)

I went on the ship as a stowaway – so I’m here on Wuhu Isle again! Shhh, no telling the Guests…

Anyway, point is, Super Lusía the ultimate hero is here! I’m here to save my Matt. He’s in Summerstone prison, I hear? Heh. I’ll get him out, no worries. I’m awesome, aren’t I? Anything to save him.

That’s revenge enough.

-Lusía

* * *

Elisa,

It’s Sarah. I have to leave. I’m so sorry. The Guests got me. I wish I was more help! I wish I was here longer. Alas, I’m going, I’m leaving this isle that I love so truly…

I want to play tennis with you again some time. Will we ever see one another again?

You’re a hero. You’re aware, yeah? You were always my hero. The tennis hero. I’ll miss you.

E32… you got this. You’ll get it. You, Miyu, Nelly, Ryan, whoever else is here. You’ll solve it. Love you.

-Sarah

* * *

Elisa, Ryan,

They won’t let you in to see me at Summerstone, neither will they let me out, so stop wasting your time waiting out there! Go use your time on E32!

Oh, is it true the V tile is gone now? I hear a sentry out there saying so. Hope he’ll agree to give this letter to you.

-Matt

* * *

A * * * E * G H I * * L M N O P * R S T U * W X Y *

Th* *ui** *r*wn *ox **mps o**r the la*y **g

* * *

Elisa tennis hero,

Theo here. Yeah, I was still in the Guests’ employment, as a sentry. I’m not anymore.

You see, I hate it. Hate the Guests. Hate what they’re turning this isle into.

I want to get away. I’m going away, later on, on the ship, out somewhere else. As the last thing, as a message to the Guests to say “I hate you!!”, I let Matt out.

Well, sorta. Lusía was here, she was raging, I not wanting her to throw a ping pong thing at me, let her pass. She got Matt out. I let it happen.

Worth it, really. Matt is too great to stay in prison. Anyway, he’s gone. Not on the isle anymore, I guess. He, Lusía, Ryan, they’re going away now.

Me too! I hate it here. No more sentrying. I no longer want it. Money? Hah, no way, get outta here, Guests. There are things more important than money. Eg HAPPINESS.

Hope you get happiness, Elisa. You’re awesome. Please, get to 32 letters. Show those Guests who’s the greatest.

-Theo

* * *

Elisa,

It’s Matt. I’m out. Sorry. Lusí got me out, I’m not in Summerstone prison now… I’ll go somewhere else. Not Wuhu Isle. Say the Guests see me again? They’ll put me in prison again. No point me staying.

Me, my Lusí, plus Ryan – us three. We’re out now.

I’m sorry, Elisa. All this time, all the others thought I’m awesome, some hero, some omnipower person… truth is, I’m a mortal. A mere mortal mii, same as us all. No powers. No nothing. I’m great at sports, that’s it. I’m a normal mii.

You… you might get the answer to E32 though. You’re still here. You’re still _going_. No matter what, you _must_ still stay.

You’re the hero, Elisa. The true hero. Not me!

You are my pal, my honorary sister, my sports-mate, so many things. I want to see you again, at least one time… Yet I must go. I won’t see you. I’m so sorry.

I’ll miss you, my awesome Elisa.

E32 rests with you. You got this.

-Matt

* * *

Hi Emma,

Elisa here. My other pals are all gone – Sarah, Matt, Ryan, all them lot. Now I’m with Nelly, Miyu. You wanna hang out with us? We’re trying on E32. We must stay sane somehow. Must stay optimist somehow. All the others are gone. We now only got one another to rely on.

Please hang out with us?

-Elisa

* * *

Elisa,

Oh, I’m happy to see your letter. My pals are all gone too. No one else remains now that I’m pals with. So new pals are a great plan!

I’m not a tennis expert, though… please ignore how not-great I am at it. Hehe.

-Emma

* * *

Emma,

Nelly is so smart! She got to 43 letters! How awesome is that? I’m happy! At least, I try…

The last U tile is now gone. A, E, I, O, U… U will turn illegal tomorrow.

Not sure how to say anything at all, then.

Poor Miyu. She hurts the most. Soon, her 18th. Then? We lose.

-Elisa

* * *

A * * * E * G H I * * L M N O P * R S T * * W X Y *

Th* **i** *r*wn *ox **mps o**r the la*y **g

* * *

Steph!

Yo. We’re all lonely. Wanna hang with me? So a little less lonely?

-Elisa

* * *

Hanging? As in, hanging in Mt Tenganamanga, in the magma? -_-

Nah, I’m happy lonely. Get lost. I’m going away soon anyway. Hate this isle.

-Steph

* * *

Ryan,

Greg here, I’m in town now, happy now? At long last? Please tell me yr here? Ye not gone? Ye still on the isle? Please? I’m so gosh lonely! I get it, ye hate me! I’m a loser, it’s reason me that all are gone… I was the one who tell the Gs that people are saying illegal letters, it’s all me. Yeah, I GET THAT NOW. Please stop ignoring me now. I’m gosh hang sorry, alright? I’m sorry. I’ll say it a million times.

-Greg

* * *

Hey Greg,

Ryan’s gone. He gone with Matt, Loosía. Most are gone, really. I’m still here tho! Ye repent, that’s great, I’m happy 4 ye. Hang with me? Help with E32. Please. Anyone’s help is great.

-Elisa

* * *

Elisa!!

Nelly here! We’re at 37!!! This is awesome news!!! I’m so so so happy!!! I won’t sleep tonight, I’ll stay going on E32, we got this, we’re so near now…

-Nelly

* * *

Miis oph Woohoo Isle,

Yoo may write phonetigally iph yoo wish. In spogen langooage, howepher, illegal letters are not allowet. Else the mowntain will explote.

-Gests, oph the Gest Sosiety

* * *

Elisa,

Oh, thang hegg, we’re at least sorta allowet to write how we want. This is... slightly petter than how it was. Iph yoo ephen onterstant what I’m writing, lol.

News: The X tile phell, poor Tagoomi was right pelow it, it lant on him! He’s gone now... got pot on the ship so the norses attent to him. (Grrr, still not easy to write what I mean.)

Anyway, X will tirn illegal tomorrow. T, R, H also phell, they hat twins so it’s alright. That’s it, tho. No more twins remaining.

Hmm... I’m not the only one who hates the spelling oph “Woohoo” Isle, right? This isn’t the Sims... hell’s sage, Gests... yoose yr noggins...

-Emma

* * *

A * * * E * G H I * * L M N O P * R S T * * W * Y *

T** **i** ***wn *o* **mps o**r *he la*y **g

* * *

Elisa tennis player,

Nelly is on the ron. She was got trying to sneag into Sommerstone Gastle, whitsh is illegal, as it is the property oph the Gest Sosiety. She is ophishally an owtlaw. Iph we see her, we will pot her on the ship.

I say... I’m a little sat. I want E32 to win. The other Gests? No. Me? Yes.

-Gest L, oph the Gest Sosiety

* * *

Gest L,

Goot 4 yoo. This is still yr own pholt. Sensorship leats to this nightmare yoo see. Yr pholt my pals are gone, yr pholt all the miis hate yoo. Yoo no that, right?

-Elisa

* * *

Hey Greg. Open yr room. Let me in. I tolt yoo to HELP with E32, not wallow in yr own misery all tay. There is no other option now. All who gan help MOST help. Please.

-Elisa

* * *

Elisa,

Nelly here. I’m still here on the isle. I’m phine. I haph to stay hitten tho, or I’ll either get arrest, or pot on the ship. Ant I really get sea-sig... I hate ships! I game here on plane, so I’ll leaph on plane, hangit! Migel toog the last plane, tho... so I haph to stay here ant hite.

E32 is op to yoo now! Yoo’re awesome, yoo got this.

-Nelly

* * *

GREG!!! Where are yoo??? Please tell me yr at least... not PERISHT???? I gan’t trost yoo haphn’t leapt into Mt Tenganamanga...

-Elisa

* * *

Elisa, Greg lepht. He hatet it here, he phelt gilty. He’s gone. He won’t help anymore. He’s on the ship, sailing oph to who noes where.

Y tile is gone now. Miyoo’s 18th greeps gloser. She might leaph too, yoo no. She’s stresst, she’s at the last strings oph her patients, last strings oph her sanity. She might not help longer either.

-Emma

* * *

A * * * E * G H I * * L M N O P * R S T * * W * * *

T** **i** ***wn *o* **mps o**r *he la** **g

* * *

That’s it. I’m owt. It’s no longer possiple. I’m not stai-ing.

Mioo’s 18 now. She won’t write ani longer. She no longer sais things. Nothing, at all.

It’s too mosh 4 me. I gan’t see this happening. I’m oph.

Me + Mioo, we’re going awai. On the ship. Sorri.

Seriosli... sorri. I’m not strong enogh 4 this.

Elisa... tennis hero. The onli one strong enogh to stai. To phinish this. To win E32. To win the oltimate game, the one that realli, trooli matters. The last one lepht.

Will we meet again?

-Emma

* * *

Hei Gest L.

It’s onli me + ewe now. Mmhmm, all the others are gone. Epheri. Single. One.

Heh. Phortnite stile, eh? I’m looging 4 hoomor where I still gan. This is a long, ephil, game oph Phortnite. Letters, insteat oph perishing. Seems lige I win.

Or rather, the Gests win.

Happi now? Got whatsha wantet?

-Elisa

* * *

Elisa,

Listen. We haph three tais lepht. Three sonrises, two sonsets lepht.

Get to 32 letters. Iph ewe get there, ewe win. ALL oph ewe. I want ewe to win. I hate it here too now. I tirnt into a monster. I regret it. So, so regret it. Ewe are the last hope.

H tile phell last night.

-Gest L

* * *

A * * * E * G * I * * L M N O P * R S T * * W * * *

T** **i** ***wn *o* **mps o**r **e la** **g

* * *

Loosía,

Sai ‘ello to all mi pals, will ewe? Sara, Matt, Rian, Sagoora... I still tri on E32. Impossiple now, now Mioo’s gone. I stroggle. I re-reat olt letters to gimme strengt. Not ‘elping, realli.

I’ll not see ewe again, it seems. Pot mi letter on te wepsite, please. So all te worlt noes wot ‘appent ‘ere. Tell Rian I gan’t sai “ieet”, sorri. Tell Matt I’m a mere mortal mii too, in pain, no power. Tell Sagoora sie is te greatest pasepall plaier in all te worlt. Tell Sara... tell Sara I gan’t plai tennis animore. I want to. I want to plai tennis wit Sara... notting’s ‘ere. I tap te pall against te wall again n again.

Sorri. No longer easi to write. I’ll stop.

-Elisa

* * *

G tile gone. Illegal, starting tomorrow.

-Gests, Gest Sosieti

* * *

A * * * E * * * I * * L M N O P * R S T * * W * * *

T** **i** ***wn *o* **mps o**r **e la** ***

* * *

Note to me:

Storm last nite. 8 entire tiles went! 8!!! All in one nite!!!

A, E, I, R, S, T, W, O. (One O still remains. OwO)

Wot now? WOT NOW? No more. I tri, no resolts. Am I a loser? Mmm. Lost. I lost.

I lost E32. Not possiple now, is it? No. So I lost. I am a loser.

Mi pals... were wron. I’m no more sane. I’m alone. All alone.

Isle is no more. No more miis ‘ere, onli me. Me, n te 6ests, n Mt Tenananmananmmanmaaa.

No more Elisa. Tomorrow, no E, no I, no S, no A. Mi own name will pe “L”.

No more Elisa... I’m no more Elisa. I’m Eloser. Loser. Insane.

No more sport. None. It’s not possiple. No, it’s all te ent.

I am alone. I lose. Tei win.

* * *

* * * * * * * * * * * L M N O P * * * * * * * * * *

*** ***** ****n *o* **mp* **** *** l*** ***

* * *

O :(

...

...

O...

...

...

...

O??

_...I don’t even know if they’ll all fit… Yeah, tell you what – pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Throw the rest in the volcano._

_And please… tell everyone I’m sorry I couldn’t do better._

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs...

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs?

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs!

PACK MY BOX WITH FIVE DOZEN LIQUOR JUGS!!!

* * *

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs

* * *

Hey Guest L. GUEST L. Yeah, you. And the rest of the Guests, if you’re willing to read this.

_Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs._

You wanted your pangram? There’s your bloody pangram. Now the volcano won’t explode. You happy?

No, I didn’t come up with it. Anna did. Sort of. She wrote it in her farewell letter – she really did want us to put a bunch of liquor jugs in her possessions box. I happened to read it again, and noticed it had every letter in it. I noticed it was 32 letters long. I noticed it was a perfect fit.

If even a random cycling emo can come up with such a thing by accident, then don’t pretend Guest B was smart for doing the same thing decades earlier.

So... can everyone come back now? I’ve had enough of you messing with our lives.

-Elisa, tennis champion of Wuhu Island

* * *

Elisa,

Well done! I’m so glad E32 was solved in the end, no matter who it was by. To tell the truth, I’ve felt very out of place with the rest of the Guests ever since I realized they’ve been abusing their power for years now. Siphoning money, stifling creative freedom, now their latest heartless “prank” of censoring people’s speech and writing itself while blaming the volcano...

Yes, I’ll allow everyone back. The other Guests have fled anyway. They didn’t think you’d _actually_ manage to get the perfect pangram. I suppose the rule disallowing people re-entry to the island is kind of cruel, now that I think of it. Your friends are welcome to return.

I hope Wuhu once again becomes a bustling island full of athletes and enthusiasts. In the meantime, not feeling equipped to run it, I dissolve the Guest Society. The island now rests in your capable hands.

Farewell, Elisa. It has been a pleasure knowing you. I hope things go well in the future, and that someday, we may meet again.

Perhaps for a tennis match?

-Guest L

* * *

Dear Matt,

Oh, Matt, it’s all over. Finally. Thank god. You can come back. Please do, actually, I can’t stand being alone here anymore. I need to talk to people again – _freely_ talk to people. People like you. All of you.

Anna’s farewell letter had the solution in it, funnily enough. There she was, venting how she didn’t get to do anything worthwhile, apologizing for not trying to help, and she ended up being the one that saved us all! Turns out her stealing from the Queen Peach was a good thing in the end, wasn’t it?

The Guest Society has dissolved, and the Guests have fled. About time. I guess we’re now building this island ourselves from the ground up, with our own laws. Let’s make it a resort for the ages, huh?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to have a very long night’s rest.

-Elisa

* * *

Dear Elisa,

Take all the rest you need. You know you’re a hero, right? “A mere mortal mii”, yes, so what? You’re still a hero. You stayed until the end – something that none of the rest of us could manage. Not even me, the infamous Matt, the “god of Wuhu Island”. You did the impossible, Elisa. Maybe the god was you all along.

I’ll catch the next ship I can. Who knows, I might even get to the island before this letter does! Maybe even before you’ve awoken from your almighty slumber. If that’s the case, can I hit you with a sword to wake you up? :P

You’re right, this time we’ll build the island anew. No more letter censorship, no rules preventing re-entry, we’re fixing all the old mistakes. We’ll leave the clock tower broken, though. I think we all like it that way anyway. Oh, and wi-fi! This time the island needs full network coverage, or else I’ll never be able to persuade Lucí to stay for good.

Oh yes, uh... about Lucí... she says she wants to be “queen” of the island now, whether she lives in the castle or not. Is that okay? It can be a figurehead title... and I’ll happily be the “king”. Just saying. Not that it means anything! You can still be the true lawmaker or whatever. As long as she gets her fame and I get my sweets, I think we’re both good.

You’ll see us soon, anyway. All of us. I know everyone who left the island will be back soon enough. We all chose to go there for a reason – because we really do love it. We love it so much that we stayed even when it began to fall apart, and we’ll all be there with you to fix it. Wuhu is our home. Sports is our life.

Perhaps we could start a fitness programme on the island too, to attract new tourists? Just a thought I had.

Phew... feels good to be able to use all the letters again. Feels right. I can’t go through that again.

I’ll be seeing you again very soon, my awesome Elisa, tennis champ, hero of words. I can’t wait.

-Matt


End file.
